Nigga, why are you dressing like a woman?

An interlude.

This is an interlude piece, so I am keeping it short.

In March, I was on my way to an interview in Abule Egba when I came across some thugs fighting because of money. The fight was verbal, of course. But one of them was so theatrical and clowny. He pulled a move, and I immediately burst into laughter, expecting the whole bus to laugh with me.

They didn’t.

The man beside me looked at me like a weirdo. One of the ladies in the bus, a fine specimen, looked at me with concern. I became the clown in an instant.

Steeze -1,000,000.

Those who know me know how much I love my women, so seeing that look broke me. Maybe that’s why I even performed badly at that interview.

I think we’ve established as a collective that comedy in Nigeria is flawed. Our humour is weird, and we find what shouldn't be funny amusing.

It’s ironic because we are such funny people. The average tout in Agege would give Dave Chappelle a run for his money.

But then, the most hilarious thing would happen, and rather than rolling over in stomach-wrenching laughter, niggas would just wear a quick smile — and that’s it.

I would be in the corner of the room, dying of laughter, and they would be looking at me like I was a madman.

But bring up yansh and BBL, and watch them lose their pearls.

I recently saw one of the first comedy performances of Basketmouth, and it started off funny. It was a 5-minute take that kept building and building. It was hilarious - the picture he was painting, and I was happy we weren't going into that region.

But I had my hopes too high, because the crescendo of that joke went sexist, quickly. I was disappointed in myself. The joke was on me.

I also saw another one of Bovi's recent performances. It was his special or something.

Now, one would assume that being in 2024, you'd be more enlightened and exposed, and you’d know what should be funny and what shouldn’t.

Nahh fam. This man immediately kicked off with a joke about Hilda Baci and her “pot.”

I was like, “Bro, at least give me a few minutes nau.”

The first comedian I know who cosplayed as a woman is Josh2funny. It was funny, and to an extent, he was pretty respectful.

Then Mama Chinedu came, and we were like, “Okay, alright.”

These guys knew how to play it well. They were respectful, and they touched on the everyday Nigerian dynamic.

God looked at us and said, “I think these people like this shit. Let me send them more.”

And that, people, was how the floodgates opened, and a cacophony of men cosplaying as women emerged.

There were varieties, bro. You wanted the ones with muscles? You had them.

Source: The Nation.

You wanted the ones that mimicked women’s voices? You had them.

Source: The Nation.

You wanted the ones who dressed like women but spoke in their masculine voice? You had them too.

Source: The Nation.

Just point to the one you want.

Covid-19 came with TikTok, which in turn brought its own pandemic: wig-wearing men who believed they could make jokes out of women's issues.

I’ve always been indifferent; I don’t find them funny, maybe a little hilarious with their weirdly positioned wigs. Most of the Josh2funny videos that made me laugh are ones where he is his normal self, or cosplaying as another character, like a failed rapper or something.

The Mama Chinedu skits were also funny because it was mostly a mother-child thing, and many of us could relate.

Apart from these, I don't have any moment where men cosplaying as women made me laugh… ever.

It’s all well and good sha; it’s a niche, after all.

But the issue here is, like everything else in this country, it has become bastardised.

Unfortunately, the line of work I’m in means I have to maintain a social pulse, against my will. So I have a TikTok account now.

And what I’ve seen is an increasingly growing crop of creators cosplaying as women.

It’s now a barrier of entry for these guys — sort of like a low-hanging fruit.

And my question is this: Shey you no get shame ni?

It’s funny to me because have you seen the average Nigerian man?

Bro, these niggas are masculine asf, negatively.

Just hint to a Nigerian man that he might be gay, and watch him remove every single one of your teeth.

Now, tell your bro you are gay, and watch him remove your teeth — with your other homeboys.

So tell me why there’s such an obsession with men dressing up as women and using women’s issues to make skits?

For a generation of men who love to prove their masculinity at every opportunity, it’s fucking weird. And just plain cringe.

I’m not even saying this as a feminist, just as a fellow man who faces intense second-hand embarrassment.

Imagine ordering a wig from a vendor, and they ask you who you’re getting it for. And then you say: for yourself.

You sef, don’t you think you deserve to go to jail for being “geh”?

You order wigs from Jumia, not for your sister, not for your mother, not even for your girlfriend.

But for yourself.

A full-grown man with two balls and testosterone-fueled hairy muscles.

Then you order a ring light and mic, dress up like a woman with lipstick on your dried-ass lips, and start clowning around for likes and a few dollars.

When you see Bob Risky, you dunk on him and call him names, but wear a wig and make cringe jokes? You are up and running.

Then useless Nigerians will start reposting your content and fueling your stupidity, saying you’re a genius and you’re “soooo funny.”

I know you’re saying, “Mubarak calm down,” but stfu.

Nigga, you aren’t funny.

You’re just using this as a crutch - the same way Wizkid used Fela as a crutch in 2016/17.

Nothing about you is funny. You have no sense of humour.

But of course, this is Nigeria, so make a weird-ass skit about BBL, or women in relationships, and people will flock to you. They probably don’t even find you funny, they just like the fact that you’re clowning on women.

The real funny guys like Layi, Chinasa, and Hauwa suddenly become “too complex.”

Talmabout “Why do people find this Hauwa lady funny?”

“What is funny about Layi sef?”

Of course, they won’t be funny to your scroll-rottened brain. Because humour that doesn't involve yansh or sufferhead can never be funny to you.

It’s annoying because I consume a lot of American comedy, and I see the stark difference.

Nigerian comedy has so much potential, and with people like Chinasa and Koj who are bringing a new flavour to the game, I have hope.

But I just can’t get past the weird obsession with cosplaying as a woman for likes.

If you’re not funny, learn tech. After all, “tech is the new oil,” abi what’s that bullshit they’re always saying?

And to you, the viewer. Yes, you.

Stop fueling these guys. Stop engaging with their content. Stop following them.

I know damn well that the conversation is more nuanced than this — but I don’t give a damn. Because the next time I see a wig-tooting nigga on my FYP, best believe I’m reporting that account.

Happy Pride Month to all who celebrate❤️.

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-The main post “Does pursuing Igbo women count as a fetish?” should have gone out sinceeee, but I am too busy and lazy to edit it, so let’s use this one to hold body.

- If I sound angry in this, it’s because I am. NYSC just posted me to Gombe after paying my plug for Lagos. Anyways, Gombs City, I will see you on Wednesday.

- Last Eid, I dived headfirst into the meats, and ended up ruining my dentition for weeks. This year I have been more tactical, so I am consuming in bits and pieces: ram peppersoup, peppered meat, beef salad.

My family wants to use food and finish me sha. This is me anytime I see food now:

• On today’s edition of “Afrotrenches artistes are a menace”, check out this guy.